The Cycle
by Pie-Kun
Summary: After another night of coldness from Yuki, Shuichi contemplates his painful relationship on the streets of Tokyo.


A/N: Hey there, Pie here! It's been a while since I've done any writing, because I've been so busy with school and Japanese and everything like that. But tonight I was just in a writing mood, but I felt like writing something a little dark. Just a little dark though, nothing major ;). Anyways, it's just a Gravitation drabble fic. Read and Review please :D.

Shuichi Shindou shivered as he entered the unusually quite and empty Tokyo Station. He could hear his footsteps gently echoing against the walls that now surrounded him, and his eyes burned from the heavy fluorescent lighting above him. He was so used to seas of people flooding from all directions, their muffled voices and footsteps pounding against his head as he desperately tried to make his way through them. But now, the silence that was instilled in the air was a bit chilling to him. Like he had suddenly drifted into a low budget horror movie, and at any minute he could start shouting cliche lines with an obviously feigned tone of voice.

He glanced at a nearby railroad map for a moment, his eyes scanning the large object until it fell on the name "Yamanote Line". He whispered the name to himself a few times as he made his way swiftly to the ticket counter, noticing that the next train was leaving in only a few minutes. The young woman at the counter had tired eyes, he could see the dark circles that were already appearing there. She fumbled with a nearby machine a few times until finally it spat out a small sliver of paper, and she handed it emotionlessly to Shuichi without a word from her pale lips.

His mind began to speculate who the girl behind the counter was, what her life was like, why she was working there, but he shook his head of the thoughts. If there was one thing he didn't want to do at the moment, it was think.

He boarded the little-populated train just after it had arrived. He saw a few people pass him as they got off. A pair of elderly women and a young couple whose giggles and sweet-nothings filled the otherwise quiet air. He stared at the latter from his train seat as they walked up the steps he had just come down from.

They made his heart sink. Could two people really be so happy? Did that sort of love really exist, or was it just some cheap ploy to keep up the image in public? When he was in High School, he truly believed that the love seen in movies and dramas could be real. That some great circumstance could bring two people together, and that they would live happily ever after without incident.

His body jolted as the train began its hasty take-off, and Shuichi remembered that he had not checked where the train would actually take him. His heart seemed to calm itself on this fact, perhaps that is what he truly wanted; to be taken off to some unknown place, to leave his life behind like a forgotten bag in an airport.

Now that he was with Yuki, he knew that the sort of fairy tale romance that was glamorized by society was nothing more than a farce used to sell books and movies and anything else that they could suck out of the naive people in the world. And he felt cheated. The world knew this terrible secret all along and he felt like a fool for not knowing it as well.

And yet, tonight he had still tried to capture that fantasy. Bad Luck's new single had been released a few weeks before, and the studio was giving them a short break before they brainstormed song ideas for an upcoming album. Meanwhile, he had heard rumors that Yuki's newest novel had just been finished, and was working its way through editing and finalizing. In this rare instance of freetime for both he and Yuki, Shuichi had hoped to have a romantic evening with him.

He had cooked dinner, cleaned the house, done the laundry...anything and everything that he knew would put Yuki in a slightly better mood than usual. When Yuki came home, Shuichi was waiting for him at the door like some under-loved puppy. Perhaps that was all he was to Yuki after all, a helpless little animal that he could exploit whenever he felt the urge to.

"This food is awful." Yuki had said nonchalantly.

"S...Sorry."

"If you're going to clean, then at least do it right."

"Sorry..."

Yuki didn't respond to Shuichi's apologies, instead he sat on the couch and lighted a cigarette that he was holding in his mouth. The pink-haired boy sat next to him, placing his head on the older man's chest. Yuki didn't do anything, and they sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, before Shuichi lifted his head up to meet Yuki's eyes.

"Kiss me, Yuki." he said, more of a plead than a request.

"My mouth is already occupied." Yuki said, pointing to the smoking object protruding from his mouth. Shuichi moved away from the man, to sit on the cushion next to him. He brought his knees up to his head and planted his face deep into them. He wanted so badly just to know. Just to know if Yuki loved him. He prayed as tears filled his eyes that Yuki's hand would reach across and gently pet his head lovingly.

But it didn't. Shuichi sat for a few moments and heard Yuki stand up, walk to his bedroom, and close the door behind him. It was nearly midnight by then. Shuichi sat in the dark room a little longer, until he knew for certain that Yuki would not come out to get him.

He didn't know why he left. Yuki's insults had been a common theme in their relationship, but tonight was different. Tonight...he just wanted to feel loved. He wasn't sure what caused him to grab a coat and step out into the bitter December wind, perhaps his heart felt as if it were more compatible there.

A voice above him announced "Ueno Stop" and he stood up, not wanting to be in the confinement of the train any longer. The air was colder here, and there were a few clumsy snowflakes drifting from the sky. Nevertheless, Shuichi pressed forward. He found himself at the entrance of a large park, the path leading to a dark and foreboding place only lit by a few stray street lights planted along the path.

Shuichi stuffed his hands into his pockets and began walking down the silent road. He wondered if Yuki had come out of the room yet. Perhaps he would secretly check on Shuichi and find him missing from the household. Would he be scared? Worried? Or perhaps...Happy? Happy that the menace that had so annoyingly fallen in love with him had finally left, maybe to never return.

But if so...why? Why, on those rare instances, would Yuki act like he truly loved the younger boy? Why would he hold him so close for hours? Why would he plant those gentle kisses on his lips? Why would he whisper those living things into his ears?  
Those questions pounded Shuichi's brain, and he walked off the path to a nearby tree, leaning on it and allowing his body to slide down onto the thin blanket of snow. For the first time that night, he finally let the tears flow. They felt like ice as the trickled down his cheek and onto the grass below, and he began gasping loudly and eventually sobbing into the night sky. He could hear himself whisper uncontrollably "Please Yuki...Please."

Shuichi wondered why he stayed with Yuki. Why he let himself go through the same pain day after day, week after week, and month after month. But deep down he knew why. Because every insult that Yuki uttered out of his cool lips, every rejection that Shuichi faced night after night, and every ounce of neglect, there was that one kiss. That one gentle rub on the head. That one kind phrase uttered. That one night of sweet love.

And so Shuichi stood up from the tree, wiped the snow off of his coat, and walked boldly back to the train station. He knew that the cycle would continue, and just maybe, that's how he wanted it to stay.


End file.
